


she's so pretty it hurts

by justasuperfan



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Badass Suki (Avatar), Crush at First Sight, F/F, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Isolation, Lesbian Suki (Avatar), includes coronavirus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:42:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26532307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justasuperfan/pseuds/justasuperfan
Summary: yue is the new girl at school, and suki is crushing hard. all the factors in her life are weighing down at once, until she finds a way to stop it.
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar), Suki & The Gaang (Avatar), Suki & Zuko (Avatar), Suki/Yue (Avatar), Toph Beifong & Suki
Comments: 8
Kudos: 28





	she's so pretty it hurts

**Author's Note:**

> okay, a lot of things to say here, not that anyone will read this anyways:
> 
> UN-BETAED but if anyone would like to beta, message me on tumblr @super-fan-kath and i'll reupload when you finish looking it over.
> 
> ALL THE EVENTS ARE BASED OFF MY LIFE except for the gaang of course and the part with zuko in the car (oops minor spoiler)  
> if something seems offensive to you about the characters, i want to say that i based these people off of real people at my school. the choice to make yue russian was for this reason. you can ask me to change this if you want but plz no hate on my personal life :)
> 
> if you go to my school, you'll definitely know after reading this. sorry you have to know all this lmao
> 
> TW: references self-harm, isolation, coronavirus, self-hatred i guess
> 
> anyways enjoy my first yueki fic that is basically me venting for way too long

High school sucked. 

Cafeteria food, never-ending classes, stupid drama, and incompetent teachers tended to make you think that way. And the masks and social distancing didn’t help at all.

At least Suki has always been pretty popular. She was the leader of the women’s self-defense class at school, which got her some street cred. She had friends at the martial arts building down the street, which was who had allowed her to start the class at school in the first place. And the new kids who all already seemed to know each other were the perfect addition to her ever-growing group of friends. She also got some respect from the younger kids since she was a Junior.

She just needed to get through Chemistry and Gym, and all of those people would be waiting outside the school. Just one more line of notes. one more round of boring questions. Why did class have to be so long?

Suki pulled up her mask—green and black, with crimson roses on it. A gift from Sokka. She loved it, and she loved him, but sometimes she wished she had a relationship like he had with Zuko. How was he suddenly so popular in the first place? Sokka wasn’t that much of a cool kid, yet he somehow had the best group of friends (including Suki of course) and had managed to nab a boyfriend before Suki even managed to flirt with someone. Anyone. The fact that she was lesbian didn’t exactly help with that. Not many gay people went to a private school. And if they did, they didn’t exactly flaunt their identity.

The bell rang suddenly, causing the whole class to jolt and grab their bags as they stood. Finally. Paper towels were passed out and they each sprayed their desks with disinfectant and wiped them off before turning to leave. Mrs. Easton called some orders as they did, but no one paid her any attention. They each took a pump of hand sanitizer at the door. Coronavirus sucked.

Suki made her way down the hallway quick. Katara waved to her as they passed on opposite sides, and she waved back. The only good part about being in person at school was that her friends were there. 

She turned down the maze of hallways until she reached the new gym. It had been optional to take the class in Junior year, but of course Suki took it. She loved working out. Any chance to get healthier outside of martial arts and self-defense classes was definitely welcome. 

As soon as Suki entered through the double doors, she knew something was off. An extra girl sat on the bleachers. And _holy shit_ this girl was stunning, even with a mask on. Her honey brown skin was a stark contrast to her sleek white-blonde hair and adorable bangs hanging down in front of her eyes. The girl’s eyes were a crystally blue that she wished Suki could get a closer look at. She had thin-rimmed silver glasses, and a pale blue uniform shirt that matched with her khaki skirt. She pulled her black mask back over her nose. Suki noticed it fell down a lot. She also noticed the girl’s accent as she talked with Jailah, how her skirt was backwards, her backpack that remained on her shoulders until Mr. Branford started talking.

Suki realized her own backpack hadn’t been put down yet. She was too busy staring at the most beautiful girl she’d seen in her entire life. Mr. Branford pointed group one towards the locker rooms, and they scurried off to make Tik Toks instead of change. Jailah was among them. And once she left, the other girls took her place talking to the new student. Suki wanted to move in and make friends, but the other girls weren’t exactly ones she wanted to be around. 

Group two was allowed into the locker rooms once group one finished. The new girl didn’t go with them. Did she have gym clothes? Didn’t matter. Suki decided to make her move while the other girls were gone. Her friend from the self-defense class, Ariel, gave her a discreet thumbs up as Suki leaned closer to the new girl. Did every one of her students know she was a lesbian? 

“Hey,” Suki started. She had to speak loud through the mask and the required six feet between them. “I’m Suki. You new here?”

The girl turned towards her. Her eyes scrunched up in what Suki assumed was a smile beneath the face covering. Oh, those eyes were gorgeous, even from afar. “Hello! I’m Yue. I’m a foreign exchange student.”

Suki’s eyes went wide. She vaguely remembered Mr. Branford calling out for a Yue Arnook every class before that, but she was never there. This was her! “That’s cool! Where’d you come from?”

“I'm from Russia, the Yup'ik tribe.”

“What made you come here?”

The conversation was beginning to sound strained. Dammit! Last time Suki made small talk was with Sokka and his friends, and she couldn’t exactly talk to Yue the same way she talked with them. What did she say? Should she tell her she was a black belt in Kyuki-Do, or try to establish a friendship? Was this girl even LGBTQ+? 

She was saved, and tortured, when group three was told to go change. She waved goodbye to Yue and walked to the locker room with her gym clothes. The other girls followed her, one of which was a girl—Lauren—who was also a black belt, but not in the same martial arts. They’d met when Lauren had signed up for Suki’s self-defense class. Her classes were getting very popular, according to the barrage of new girls and other genders that came in after school lately. 

Lauren went up to Suki after they changed. “Have you met Yue yet?”

Thank God for masks, so no one could see her blushing. “Yeah, why?”

“Well, I was thinking we could ask her to join the self-defense classes. I think she would like them. Plus, we’re probably going to lose a lot of members because of the whole COVID thing.”

Oh yeah, Lauren was also co-president of the club. 

“That’s a great idea!” Suki blurted a little too fast. Lauren raised an eyebrow in amusement. “Uh, I mean...yeah, we are losing a lot of people. Maybe we should put up flyers around the school and enforce social distancing a little more.” It was beyond hard trying to train the girls without being able to touch them, but whatever they had to do to keep the club running was worth it. 

“Okay. Should I ask her?”

Suki nodded. She really wanted to ask Yue herself, but...she didn’t trust herself to not be an embarrassment. One of her biggest weaknesses was acting like a fool around girls she liked. Boys had been easy when she’d thought she was bi, but that ship had long since sailed.

They left the locker room one by one. Most of the girls didn’t care about social distancing, but still tried to do as well as they could. Plus, they didn’t want to get yelled at by the teachers. Mrs. Sydney in the art room across the hall was known for obsessively cleaning and chasing after students who were only five feet apart.

Back in the gym, Suki couldn’t keep her eyes off Yue. Other people seemed to make conversation with her easily, gaining a new friend in a flash. It frustrated Suki. She was usually the one to make friends fast, but she was being left in the dust. Plus, this girl was one she really wanted to connect with. And what was even more frustrating was that Suki couldn’t focus on the soccer game. It seemed she couldn’t do anything right.

The class came and went, and then the principal was dismissing classes one by one. Suki waved goodbye to Lauren and Ariel before exiting through the closest doors. Phew. It was good to take her mask off and take a breath for a second. 

Aang came around the side of the building a minute later. “Hey, Suki!” He jogged over to her. “How was class?”

“Pretty good. I have a ton of homework, though. You?”

The two of them made conversation for the few minutes it took for Sokka, Zuko, Katara, and Toph to be released from school. Aang was all pep and cheer, while Suki was gloomy. She’d failed at relationships and gym. It would be a relief to throw her anger into Kyuki-Do class that night. 

All of the gang lived pretty close, so they began walking once the cars left. It killed Suki to see all of them six feet apart. She hated that they couldn’t hold hands, or punch each other in the arms affectionately, or hug after a long and hard day. Everything about the pandemic was hard for her. Martial arts classes were more kicking and forms and less partner work, school was separated and harder to make friends, and the friends she did have were forced apart. Suki missed watching Zuko bury his face in Sokka’s neck, or Katara holding Suki’s hand as they walked. She missed everything about her old life.

Toph fell back from where she was walking in the front. Her seeing-eye dog, Appa, was close in front. Suki recalled something about Toph saying she didn’t need a dog, that she could see just fine, but then bonding with Appa more than she cared to admit. “Don’t think I didn’t notice your gloomy noises. What’s up, dude?”

The older girl made a face that was somewhere between a smile and a grimace. “Nothing. I’m okay.”

Toph reached to punch her in the arm, then faltered. Suki noticed disappointment in the younger girl’s face above her neon green mask. “Forgot I can’t do that anymore. I’ll have to find some other way of getting information outta you.”

“Don’t try.”

Toph made a frustrated noise. “You’re lucky I love you.”

Suki smiled. “Love you too. But affection isn’t going to work either, because nothing’s wrong.”

“Oh, come on. Is it a girl? A really pretty one?”

The older girl had the feeling Toph would be poking her annoyingly if they were allowed to touch. “Maybe. I’m just frustrated, is all. I can’t seem to make friends because of this stupid coronavirus.”

“Friends, or more than that?”

“Shut up.”

“I’m just saying, maybe you shouldn’t be trying to make friends. If you like this girl, skipping straight to flirting might work better.”

Huh. That actually made sense. Suki was used to dating girls she already knew and had established a friendship with, but maybe that wasn’t good enough. Maybe it was better to skip that part, since she couldn’t exactly bond with anyone at the time. “That’s actually helpful. Thanks, Toph.”

“Don’t sound so surprised, Warrior Girl.”

…

Days passed by, Yue was seen in Gym and Algebra 2 but nowhere else. Suki found herself scanning the hallways involuntarily, watching the girl more than what passed as normal when they were in Gym. But she couldn’t bring herself to talk to Yue. It was weird. She normally didn’t have any problem talking to people. But every time she tried, something pushed her back and made her palms and neck sweaty. 

It was infuriating. Moments away from making a new friend, or hopefully more than that, she just froze. Her heartbeat went erratic and the butterflies in her stomach turned into a hurricane. So she did the next best thing and avoided Yue as much as possible. And yes, it hurt, but it was no better than trying and failing to make conversation. Plus, she had other things to worry about. One of them being the worrying email that had just been sent from the school.

It took a few minutes to sink in, but once it did, she didn’t believe it. Suki slammed her fists into the keyboard and let out a growling scream. Good thing her mom was gone to the grocery, so she was alone in the house. She was thankful for being able to scream. Because it was so fucking _unfair_! Six stupid assholes had gotten corona from a party, so the whole. Fucking. School. Shut down.

She pounded her fists into the keyboard again as tears pricked her eyes. This meant she wouldn’t have any friends, she wouldn’t have Yue, she wouldn’t have anything! Online school had always been hard for her too. How in the hell was she supposed to do that for possibly the whole school year?

A flash of yellow caught her eye. Her fan sat on the dresser behind the desk chair she was sitting in. Suki stood, grabbed the fan, and stomped down the stairs and through the door. A hot wind blew across the front yard. She took her stance in the muddy grass and began doing her fan form with renewed energy. The comforting movements calmed her a little bit. She let out all of her anger into the moves until the fan made wind as she sliced it through the air. 

Her feet moved of their own accord into the stances. It was relaxing, almost. Her muscles knew the moves by themselves. And maybe if she got lost in the fan, she wouldn’t have to think about the crushing, slowly growing dread.

…

Two weeks of online school was more than enough. Suki was done. So when the school sent an email discussing a hybrid school schedule, she almost leaped out of her chair in sheer joy. But there was always a catch.

The schedules were made in alphabetical order of last names. Which meant Toph Beifong, Suki Kyoshi, and Aang Gyatso would all go to in-person school together. However, that meant Zuko Lee and Sokka and Katara Tui wouldn’t be at school when the rest of them were. 

That was enough to make Suki want to scream again. But her mom was home this time, so she couldn’t. Plus, the schedules messed with her head. She went to regular school Mondays and Thursdays, but online school every other day. The rest of her friends went to regular school Tuesdays and Fridays, going to online school the other days. That meant the only time she would see them online was Wednesdays. _Fucking wonderful_. She had Aang and Toph, but...it wasn’t the same. At least she had some girls from self-defense classes.

That’s when it hit her. _Yue. Yue Arnook._ A-K last names went to school on the same day. Yes! That meant Suki would still be able to see Yue, even if she had been switched to a different gym class! She was still in Suki's Algebra 2 class, and they would see each other at lunch. It would still work out.

It wasn’t until two days later that Suki looked at the email again. Her heart completely sank when she noticed the note next to A-K days.

_International students living in the dorms will go to school with L-Z students._

Well shit.

…

Suki curled in on herself in bed and wrapped her arms around her knees. She didn’t cry. She could snap a man’s neck with her own two hands, and break someone’s arm in two seconds. Nothing fazed her to the point where she even began tearing up. So why did everything suddenly hurt? It was like the weight of the world pressed down on her all at once.

It had been like that all quarantine. Sometimes she was okay, and others…

Well.

It was probably the isolation that hurt her the most. A lot of things had happened that made her afraid of people running away. Her dad leaving them, the manipulative girlfriend who had forced all of her friends away the past year. A few years before, she hadn’t had any friends. That was why she was so desperate to hold on to her new ones, before they were pushed away by the pandemic.

Her eyes flitted to the scissors on the end of her bed. They were the product of forgetting to clean up a school project. But what if...they weren’t just for projects. What if they could be used for pain?

Suki wiped her tears and reached for the scissors, just as her phone dinged. She froze. Who would be up so late? It had to be at least three in the morning. And on a Sunday, no less.

_Sifu Hotman: Can we talk?_

Her hands shook, even after she willed them to stop. What on Earth did Zuko want to talk about? He and Suki had never been close. The most they talked was when one of them forgot the assignments, or were asking where Sokka disappeared to again. 

She decided on not replying, but didn’t grab for the scissors again. The phone dinged a second time just as she had set it down on the bed.

_Sifu Hotman: Everyone else is asleep and I’m really scared._

Scared? What? She immediately began replying.

_Warrior: what’s going on?_

_Sifu Hotman: Ok, first of all why are you awake? Second, Sokka hasn’t answered all day. Is he ok? Have you talked to him?_

Suki almost gagged. Stupid boyfriend stuff. But it was something to keep her mind of the crushing dread of school, so she welcomed the distraction.

_Warrior: existential dread, thats why im awake. and i haven’t heard from him, but i assumed he was just doing hw_

_Sifu Hotman: Katara says he hasn’t been home all day. Should we go look for him?_

_Warrior: zuko. its fukin 3 am. hes fine, if not asleep_

_Sifu Hotman: Well I’m going._

She sighed. She wasn’t going to let Zuko wander around the city alone in the middle of the night. Plus, her bed didn’t exactly look comforting. Maybe Zuko would even talk to her about her Yue problem.

_Warrior: fine. be here in 5 minutes._

Suki brushed her hair quickly and slipped on a pair of shoes. Her sleep clothes were presentable enough to wear outside. 

Headlights shone through the window and she unlocked the door as quietly as possible, just as her gaze caught on the mask hanging on the doorknob. She sighed and grabbed it before heading out, getting rid of the tears. 

The best thing to do was always to hide emotion.

…

“So...about the new girl…”

“Yue?” Zuko spared her a glance before looking back at the road. “Or someone else? There’s a lot of new students this year.”

“Yeah, Yue. You know her?”

“Not personally, but I heard Sokka got pretty close with her.”

Suki’s heart just about stopped. Sokka? Really? He could introduce her! Maybe the world wouldn’t fall apart after all. Well, once they were able to go outside without being terrified of a stupid virus. 

“Do you think he could...introduce me?”

The boy smiled. Suki liked when he smiled, since it was pretty rare. Aang once tried to throw a party when he saw the tight grin on Zuko’s face. “He’d do anything for you, Suki.”

“Really?”

“Really really.”

“God fucking--did you watch Shrek with him again?”

He laughed. “What, I can’t quote movies now?”

“Fuck you. You hang out with that guy too much. You don’t even sound like yourself anymore.”

“Oh--shit, it’s true. I even talk like Sokka! I mean, have you ever heard me curse before we got together? Uncle is going to kill me!”

Suki sat back in her seat. “There’s the Zuko I know.” Even as she said it, it felt wrong. Because she _didn’t_ know Zuko. It suddenly weighed on her how awkward the situation was becoming. She needed someone to break the ice again, like one of the Tui siblings. But they weren’t there.

“Hey, can I ask you something?”

Zuko tilted his head towards her to show he was paying attention.

“I’ve just been kind of out of it lately. There’s this girl I like, but I can’t seem to talk to her without getting nervous. That _never_ used to happen before.” She felt stupid saying it. Of course Zuko didn’t want to hear about her problems when he had plenty of his own to worry about.

But then he answered. “I know the feeling. Like you can’t breathe and all of the sudden they’re the whole world and if you mess up you’ll never forgive yourself and--” He froze suddenly. That was...oddly specific. “Um, yeah. Just push through and I promise you won’t regret it.”

Suki smiled. “Thanks, Zuko. You’re pretty smart. But the thing is, I can’t push through. She goes to school on different days than me, and I don’t know if I can handle it.”

He sucked in a breath as the light turned green. “Damn, that’s...that’s rough, buddy.”

“Yeah, no kidding.” She laughed half heartedly and turned towards the window. “I think I’m in love. Which is insane, cause I’ve never even talked to her.”

“I’m sorry. That sucks.” It seemed like he was about to say something else, when his phone dinged. Suki peeked over and saw it was from Katara.

“It’s Sokka. He texted Katara and said he was at the playground of Sharon Drive.”

“Then what are we waiting for?”

Zuko floored it and they tore through the city, towards the park. Who knows what Sokka could’ve been doing all day? He could’ve gotten hurt, or kidnapped, or any number of things that freaked Suki out even more.

It was silent as they drove. 

Then came the sign for the playground. They probably should’ve checked there sooner, on account of Sokka’s childish side, but it didn’t matter anymore. The two of them stumbled out of the car quickly.

Suki spotted a figure slumped at a gently moving swing and felt her breath hitch as she ran towards it. Zuko called after her but started running when he saw what she did, both of them calling Sokka’s name and waving wildly. Suki didn’t want to admit what she’d thought he had done. 

“Hey.” Sokka said as they got there. He acted as if nothing was wrong. 

“And where the fuck have you been?”

Sokka cringed at Suki’s words. “Sorry. Hard day.”

Zuko sat on the ground next to his boyfriend and tentatively leaned against his legs. Sokka flinched, probably unused to physical contact. Suki frowned at that. She bones the feeling. “You scared me.”

“I know.”

Suki set her jaw. He knew how much it would hurt them and he still did it? Not cool. “Sokka, you can’t just run off like that. I thought you—I thought you might’ve been in trouble or...something.”

He gave her a strange look. She couldn’t help but notice his red-rimmed eyes and disgustingly snotty nose. She’d never known Sokka to cry. “I’m sorry. But I couldn’t stick around all day. It just...hurt.”

Suki and Zuko shared a glance and seemed to communicate through their eyes. The poor boy couldn’t handle feelings after all he’d been through with his family. Suki nodded to tell him she’d take over and he sighed in relief. 

“Listen. I know what it’s like to hurt. You don’t have to hide it from me because you’re afraid I won’t understand, okay?”

“But you wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me.”

It took a few minutes before Sokka actually started talking shakily. “I hate being alone. I can’t stand it, and the past seven months I haven’t seen any of you except over screens. How was I supposed to keep doing that? I need you guys and I’m not even supposed to touch you.”

Suki sat on the swing next to him and turned his chin so he faced her. He leaned into her touch subconsciously. Jeez, the guy really was touch-starved. “Sokka. Nothing will ever break our friendship. And I know the feeling, you feel alone and like you can’t breathe. Like the walls are closing in on you and everyone you’ve ever even tried to get close to fell away.” Something cold and wet grew in her eyes. Were those...tears? They couldn’t be. Suki wasn’t allowed to cry, since she was a warrior and a caretaker. She was supposed to be strong. But sitting next to her two best friends, both of whom were beginning to sob their eyes out, she figured it was okay to be weak. 

“So it’s not dumb that I’m afraid?”

“Of _course_ it’s not dumb. You can be afraid, but you have to use that fear to keep going.” She surprised herself as the words tumbled out. She could stand to take her own advice more. She had been scared of being alone, scared of talking to Yue, scared to lose her friends again. But the fear could help her move on. Nerves and anger always helped in self-defense, because it made her stronger. So maybe the fear would help her get stronger. 

Sokka smiled. She missed that smile. It was one that she did know, unlike she had said to Zuko. Suki really did have to hang out with him more. “Thanks, Suki. I’m glad you always come back. Like boomerang!” He perked up cartoonishly and she laughed at his cheesy grin.

“Let’s get you home.” Zuko began pulling Sokka up, but he stopped them.

“Wait! Push me first.”

“Are you-Oh, whatever.” Zuko slumped behind the swing and began pushing his boyfriend, to be met with delighted screams. Suki couldn’t control her laughter as Zuko pushed the other boy clean off the swing and giggled. All three of them were rolling in the mulch laughing by the time the sun came up.

…

“About what you said back there. Why have you been hurting lately?”

Suki shrugged. They walked through the park, their online P.E. assignment finally catching up to them. “Same reason as you, I guess. It’s hard.”

Sokka nodded. He was the perfect listener, because he always knew the appropriate gestures and sounds to make. And whenever Suki ranted about her ex-girlfriends, he suggested they go beat them with ramen. Then they both laughed hysterically no matter how many times the joke was used. She loved Sokka. That’s why it hurt so much when he had gone missing, even for one night. But the good part was that it had distracted her from Yue. 

“Is there anything I can do? You’ve already helped me a ton.”

“Not exactly. It’s an internal struggle.”

A pause. Then…

“Actually, there is one thing you can do.”

Sokka texted daily with updates on how he planned to make friends with Yue. And two weeks later, Suki stepped foot into the new girl’s dorm room.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed! this actually gave me an idea for a sequel if anyone's interested. i always love comments and kudos!


End file.
